Eitan is really good with directions. This was made very clear to Nana and Papa on a trip to the library:
We were driving down Great Plain Avenue and pulled into the lot next to the library, although the GPS said to go further and take a right on Rosemary Road.
Eitan said the GPS was correct so we left the lot, made the right on Rosemary Road and right he was…there was the main entrance to the library and the parking lot.
He really remembers these kind of things.
Eitan: “God told people they had to move the Torah everyday. Some people didn’t think everyday was a thing, but everyday was a thing. They had horses that…”
(Proceeds to fart)
“Farted! Haha. I’m just kidding. The horses didn’t fart. That’s not part of the story.”
The best conversations happen with Eitan on the toilet.
Eitan: “What if I get poop on the toilet seat?”
Mama: “We’ll clean it.”
Eitan: “What if you can’t clean it?”
Mama: “There was a book in my house when I was growing up called How to Clean Everything.”
Eitan: “Oh, a How-To book.”
Mama: “Yes – you know about those?”
Eitan: “Yes, Emily reads them to us.”
Mama: “Really? What kind-of How-To books?”
Eitan: “You know… like… How To Train a Lion.”
Mama: “Wow that sounds exciting.”
Eitan: “You know I’m writing a How-To book.”
Mama: “What is yours about?”
Eitan: “How to Keep a Puppy. Step 1. Get a puppy. Step 2. Get a bowl. Step 3. Get dog food. Step 4. Feed the puppy. Step 5. Get a leash….”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember all his steps, but there were 10! By then, he was done pooping and life went on.
We were driving to Nana and Papa’s house one day when Rich and I saw a dead raccoon by the side of the road. To avoid the conversation, we tacitly agreed not to say anything. Apparently, this no longer works, as we hear from the backseat, “Aaaawwww a rat died.”
Absolute sincerity.
Eitan: how are babies made?
Mama: well… you need a mama and a dada.
Eitan: what about families with two dadas?
Mama: they can’t make a baby, but they can adopt one.
Eitan: when I grow up I’m gonna get a wife and make a baby.
Mama: sounds good. Do you know who your wife will be?
Eitan: Maya
Mama: Did you know it’s President’s Day today? When we celebrate past presidents? Do you know who the first president was?
Silence
Mama: George….
Eitan: Washington DC!
Mama: Very good! What about the second? John…
Eitan: John-ny Harris! (a comedian Mama has been watching lately)
Mama gave Dada a bad haircut. to cover up the bald spot, Dada has been gelling his hair so it stands up a bit. Eitan noticed recently: “What’s up with your hair?! It’s like needles!”
We recently woke up to 6 inches of snow outside.
I was lying in bed when he went down the stairs and this is what I heard:
“Wow so high oh my Lord the plows are done we can drive”
Eitan the weatherman’s stream of consciousness….
“OK. Who knows their numbers? It’s okay if you don’t know them.”
Note: I was listening to him in the playroom from the kitchen; he didn’t know I overheard his lesson.
“The commonest word here is ‘the’.
The commonest word in Israel is Eitan.”
Note: I overheard this; he didn’t know I was even listening.