Mama: Eitan, what do you think of my new lipstick?
Eitan: mmmm it’s pretty nice. You might look better in blue or red though
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Category: Thoughts
Eitan came home from school one day with a laminated piece of paper with the Hebrew alphabet on it. When I took it out of the bag, it was very sticky. I said, “ick! Why is this sticky?”
Eitan replied, “that’s probably the honey.”
“Why was there honey on it?”
“There was an activity. It didn’t go well.”
Pause for laughter.
It turns out it was to teach the children that learning Hebrew is sweet. I’m guessing the “it didn’t go well” was really a teacher’s review that Eitan overheard.
Eitan usually tells us nothing about school. We have to beg for crumbs of information. That’s why I was so surprised recently when he suddenly announced in the car on the way home, “Happy News!”
Mama: “What’s the news?”
Eitan: “Mrs. Rose played at recess today!”
Mama: “That’s great! What did she play with you?”
Eitan: “She was the guard.”
Mama: “Cool. What did she guard?”
Eitan: “The Diamonds.”
I can only assume this was Minecraft-inspired.
I’ve been reading to Eitan “Does God Have a Big Toe?” every night. We are loving the stories, and I’m loving the ensuing discussion.
Eitan: Where is the Garden of Eden?
Mama: No one knows
Eitan: I’m going to find it
Mama: I don’t think that’s possible; I think God hid it
Eitan: How? Is it protected?
Mama: I don’t know; I’ll get back to you
…. Mama learns the exact answer in Torah study that Shabbat …
Mama: I have an answer for you. God stationed an angel outside of the garden to protect it, with a fiery ever-turning sword. The angel is enormous, with the body of a lion and wings like an eagle.
Eitan: I can take him.
Eitan: “If God knows everything that will happen, why did he put Adam and Eve in the garden if he knew he would just kick them out?”
Sometimes, the question is more important than the answer.
Eitan: “What are you talking about?”
Mama: “We’re trying to decide on a domain name for Elijah’s bar mitzvah website”
Eitan: “What’s he going to sell?”
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Internal GPS
Eitan is really good with directions. This was made very clear to Nana and Papa on a trip to the library:
We were driving down Great Plain Avenue and pulled into the lot next to the library, although the GPS said to go further and take a right on Rosemary Road.
Eitan said the GPS was correct so we left the lot, made the right on Rosemary Road and right he was…there was the main entrance to the library and the parking lot.
He really remembers these kind of things.
Eitan: “God told people they had to move the Torah everyday. Some people didn’t think everyday was a thing, but everyday was a thing. They had horses that…”
(Proceeds to fart)
“Farted! Haha. I’m just kidding. The horses didn’t fart. That’s not part of the story.”
The best conversations happen with Eitan on the toilet.
Eitan: “What if I get poop on the toilet seat?”
Mama: “We’ll clean it.”
Eitan: “What if you can’t clean it?”
Mama: “There was a book in my house when I was growing up called How to Clean Everything.”
Eitan: “Oh, a How-To book.”
Mama: “Yes – you know about those?”
Eitan: “Yes, Emily reads them to us.”
Mama: “Really? What kind-of How-To books?”
Eitan: “You know… like… How To Train a Lion.”
Mama: “Wow that sounds exciting.”
Eitan: “You know I’m writing a How-To book.”
Mama: “What is yours about?”
Eitan: “How to Keep a Puppy. Step 1. Get a puppy. Step 2. Get a bowl. Step 3. Get dog food. Step 4. Feed the puppy. Step 5. Get a leash….”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember all his steps, but there were 10! By then, he was done pooping and life went on.
We were driving to Nana and Papa’s house one day when Rich and I saw a dead raccoon by the side of the road. To avoid the conversation, we tacitly agreed not to say anything. Apparently, this no longer works, as we hear from the backseat, “Aaaawwww a rat died.”
Absolute sincerity.