We were walking home from shul recently on a beautiful day when a gust of wind blew. It gave Eitan goose bumps. Here is the subsequent conversation:
Eitan: “What are these bumps on my legs??”
Mama: “Goose bumps”
Eitan: “Am I gonna die??”
Backstory: Eitan was told measles cause bumps, and has been concerned about every bump on his body since then, even though we’ve told him that he’s been vaccinated and cannot get measles.
Eitan: are you ever gonna get divorced?
Rich: I’m not planning on it
E: what if somebody really… (takes bite of ice cream, it’s quiet for a long time while Rich and I wait to hear where this is going. Apparently we can’t wait).
Mama: what???
Dada: hot comes along?
Eitan: yeah like boiling to death!
Mama: I guess we’d have to reevaluate!
Eitan to imaginary hot person: want a popsicle?
Eitan: is banana bread Jewish?
Reasonable question since we have it for Shabbat a lot!
Eitan: Want to see Bob? [in Minecraft]
Mama: Who’s Bob?
Eitan: My wife!
Note: Bob turned out to be a Pirate Villager
While driving home from school one day, Eitan questioned when he would no longer be required to use a kids’ car seat. I reassured him that he was already, in fact, old/large enough to graduate to a booster seat, but that wouldn’t cut it. He was determined to stay in the car seat until he was big enough for the regular “adult” seat. The following conversation ensued.
Dada: You are about 5 inches short.
Eitan: Okay. That’s like 5 days. I grow 1 inch per day.
Dada: That would make you 29 feet tall!
Eitan: How tall would you be?
Dada: If I grew 1 inch per day? (Performs quick math…) About 150 feet tall. That’s how I know you can’t possibly grow 1 inch per day.
Eitan: “What are you talking about?”
Mama: “We’re trying to decide on a domain name for Elijah’s bar mitzvah website”
Eitan: “What’s he going to sell?”
We went to a Woo Sox game yesterday and also watched a baseball recap last night. During cozy time we were reading when Eitan suddenly asks, “do baseball players wear underpants?”
At first, I unequivocally said “yes”, but then I realized I didn’t know! I added, “I think”. He seemed okay with that answer.
Eitan has somehow internalized my derision for weather forecasters. In particular, I don’t like how excited they get by natural disasters, and how they typically exaggerate how bad a storm will be. I have probably commented on occasion that they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Eitan of course took this to the extreme and frequently tells us that meteorologists (my word, not his; I think he calls them weather people) don’t know what they’re doing. I’ve tried to walk that back a bit, since the day-to-day forecasting is usually pretty accurate. However, after hearing this conversation he had with Rich, I think it would be easier to just tell him Jews control the weather.
Eitan: Dada, you should work for the company that controls the weather
Dada: Do you mean the forecasts the weather?
Eitan: Yeah, that
Dada: There’s actually a group called NOAA
Eitan: NOAH???
Dada: Not your friend, it’s actually a part of the government
*Eitan moves on*
Eitan and I talk about God a frequently. It’s already a somewhat combative discussion as I try to be honest while also providing traditional Jewish answers. Here is a recent conversation.
Eitan: “Mama did God make the oceans?”
Hannah: “That is the story in the Torah”
Eitan: “But what do you think?”
Hannah: “Well I think that’s just a story. Oceans are part of the world (I was not that eloquent but that is the idea).
Eitan: “I think people made oceans.”
Hannah (thankful for an easy one): “No, the oceans were around before people.”
Eitan: “Who made people?”
Hannah (wary): “What do you think?”
Eitan: “I don’t think God made people, the ocean did.”
Hannah (happy Torah and science contradict this): “no, the ocean did not make people.”
Eitan: “Who made people?”
Hannah (darn, back to that): “People descended from monkeys through a process called evolution.”
Eitan: “What’s that?”
Hannah: “The slow process of animals changing. We descended from monkeys.”
Eitan: “Really? Did we eat bananas?”
Rich is trying to get Aquaphor on Eitan prior to PJs.
Rich: “Eitan! Stop jumping around! I just got aquaphor on your penis!”
Eitan (in a very concerned voice): “Is it serious?”