Eitan: Want to see Bob? [in Minecraft]
Mama: Who’s Bob?
Eitan: My wife!
Note: Bob turned out to be a Pirate Villager
Category: Ideas
Over the past few months, Eitan has gotten really into making up and playing out stories with a trio of tiny axolotl toys he obtained by persuading his grandparents to purchase a slime set which included them. Eitan named the axolotl he plays with the most Rainbow while I was bestowed the honor of naming the remaining two. So, of course, I named them Pinky and the Brain.
While Eitan enjoys exploring new adventures, the winning storylines tend to stick around. One such recent “adventure” which has lasted had all three (!) axolotls marry and travel to various international destinations for their honeymoons. There was very little concern from Eitan into whether or not this was allowed, so good job on being open-minded I guess?
The family name we decided to go with? The Dangers.
Mama: How was double Hebrew today? At least you’re done for the week!
Eitan: I actually kinda like double Hebrew now… and regular Hebrew too.
Mama: That’s great!
Eitan: I’m almost done learning all the letters and then I can read the whole Torah.
*Proud mama glow*
While driving home from school one day, Eitan questioned when he would no longer be required to use a kids’ car seat. I reassured him that he was already, in fact, old/large enough to graduate to a booster seat, but that wouldn’t cut it. He was determined to stay in the car seat until he was big enough for the regular “adult” seat. The following conversation ensued.
Dada: You are about 5 inches short.
Eitan: Okay. That’s like 5 days. I grow 1 inch per day.
Dada: That would make you 29 feet tall!
Eitan: How tall would you be?
Dada: If I grew 1 inch per day? (Performs quick math…) About 150 feet tall. That’s how I know you can’t possibly grow 1 inch per day.
I’ve been reading to Eitan “Does God Have a Big Toe?” every night. We are loving the stories, and I’m loving the ensuing discussion.
Eitan: Where is the Garden of Eden?
Mama: No one knows
Eitan: I’m going to find it
Mama: I don’t think that’s possible; I think God hid it
Eitan: How? Is it protected?
Mama: I don’t know; I’ll get back to you
…. Mama learns the exact answer in Torah study that Shabbat …
Mama: I have an answer for you. God stationed an angel outside of the garden to protect it, with a fiery ever-turning sword. The angel is enormous, with the body of a lion and wings like an eagle.
Eitan: I can take him.
Eitan: “If God knows everything that will happen, why did he put Adam and Eve in the garden if he knew he would just kick them out?”
Sometimes, the question is more important than the answer.
The best conversations happen with Eitan on the toilet.
Eitan: “What if I get poop on the toilet seat?”
Mama: “We’ll clean it.”
Eitan: “What if you can’t clean it?”
Mama: “There was a book in my house when I was growing up called How to Clean Everything.”
Eitan: “Oh, a How-To book.”
Mama: “Yes – you know about those?”
Eitan: “Yes, Emily reads them to us.”
Mama: “Really? What kind-of How-To books?”
Eitan: “You know… like… How To Train a Lion.”
Mama: “Wow that sounds exciting.”
Eitan: “You know I’m writing a How-To book.”
Mama: “What is yours about?”
Eitan: “How to Keep a Puppy. Step 1. Get a puppy. Step 2. Get a bowl. Step 3. Get dog food. Step 4. Feed the puppy. Step 5. Get a leash….”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember all his steps, but there were 10! By then, he was done pooping and life went on.
“This fell off” Eitan wanders into the playroom where Dada, Mama, Nana, and Papa are hanging out, holding up a leaf from Mama’s single plant.
I clearly was not paying close enough attention, but Papa was. “It just happened to fall off while you were walking by with scissors?”
Eitan, trying to hide the scissors behind his back, “Yes”
All of us: “really?”
Eitan: “Maybe I cut it.”
I purposely put Hershey kisses in the same container as Eitan’s carrots. When he came home from school, both kisses and one carrot were missing!
Mama: Good job, Eitan. You ate a carrot! I knew putting them with the kisses would help.
Eitan: no I didn’t.
Mama: What?
Eitan: the carrot fell out while I was getting the kisses.
At least he’s honest…
Eitan and I talk about God a frequently. It’s already a somewhat combative discussion as I try to be honest while also providing traditional Jewish answers. Here is a recent conversation.
Eitan: “Mama did God make the oceans?”
Hannah: “That is the story in the Torah”
Eitan: “But what do you think?”
Hannah: “Well I think that’s just a story. Oceans are part of the world (I was not that eloquent but that is the idea).
Eitan: “I think people made oceans.”
Hannah (thankful for an easy one): “No, the oceans were around before people.”
Eitan: “Who made people?”
Hannah (wary): “What do you think?”
Eitan: “I don’t think God made people, the ocean did.”
Hannah (happy Torah and science contradict this): “no, the ocean did not make people.”
Eitan: “Who made people?”
Hannah (darn, back to that): “People descended from monkeys through a process called evolution.”
Eitan: “What’s that?”
Hannah: “The slow process of animals changing. We descended from monkeys.”
Eitan: “Really? Did we eat bananas?”