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Ideas Thoughts

How-To

The best conversations happen with Eitan on the toilet.

Eitan: “What if I get poop on the toilet seat?”

Mama: “We’ll clean it.”

Eitan: “What if you can’t clean it?”

Mama: “There was a book in my house when I was growing up called How to Clean Everything.”

Eitan: “Oh, a How-To book.”

Mama: “Yes – you know about those?”

Eitan: “Yes, Emily reads them to us.”

Mama: “Really? What kind-of How-To books?”

Eitan: “You know… like… How To Train a Lion.”

Mama: “Wow that sounds exciting.”

Eitan: “You know I’m writing a How-To book.”

Mama: “What is yours about?”

Eitan: “How to Keep a Puppy. Step 1. Get a puppy. Step 2. Get a bowl. Step 3. Get dog food. Step 4. Feed the puppy. Step 5. Get a leash….”

Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember all his steps, but there were 10! By then, he was done pooping and life went on.

Categories
Actions Ideas

The Day Gardener

“This fell off” Eitan wanders into the playroom where Dada, Mama, Nana, and Papa are hanging out, holding up a leaf from Mama’s single plant.

I clearly was not paying close enough attention, but Papa was. “It just happened to fall off while you were walking by with scissors?”

Eitan, trying to hide the scissors behind his back, “Yes”

All of us: “really?”

Eitan: “Maybe I cut it.”

Categories
Phrasing Thoughts

Concern for all Animals

We were driving to Nana and Papa’s house one day when Rich and I saw a dead raccoon by the side of the road. To avoid the conversation, we tacitly agreed not to say anything. Apparently, this no longer works, as we hear from the backseat, “Aaaawwww a rat died.”

Absolute sincerity.

Categories
Ideas

Carrots

I purposely put Hershey kisses in the same container as Eitan’s carrots. When he came home from school, both kisses and one carrot were missing!

Mama: Good job, Eitan. You ate a carrot! I knew putting them with the kisses would help.

Eitan: no I didn’t.

Mama: What?

Eitan: the carrot fell out while I was getting the kisses.

At least he’s honest…

Categories
Thoughts

Get a wife

Eitan: how are babies made?

Mama: well… you need a mama and a dada.

Eitan: what about families with two dadas?

Mama: they can’t make a baby, but they can adopt one.

Eitan: when I grow up I’m gonna get a wife and make a baby.

Mama: sounds good. Do you know who your wife will be?

Eitan: Maya

Categories
Thoughts

Presidents

Mama: Did you know it’s President’s Day today? When we celebrate past presidents? Do you know who the first president was?

Silence

Mama: George….

Eitan: Washington DC!

Mama: Very good! What about the second? John…

Eitan: John-ny Harris! (a comedian Mama has been watching lately)

Categories
Thoughts

Bad Haircut

Mama gave Dada a bad haircut. to cover up the bald spot, Dada has been gelling his hair so it stands up a bit. Eitan noticed recently: “What’s up with your hair?! It’s like needles!”

Categories
Phrasing Thoughts

Snow Day

We recently woke up to 6 inches of snow outside.

I was lying in bed when he went down the stairs and this is what I heard:

“Wow so high oh my Lord the plows are done we can drive”

Eitan the weatherman’s stream of consciousness….

Categories
Thoughts

Another Lesson

“OK. Who knows their numbers? It’s okay if you don’t know them.”

Note: I was listening to him in the playroom from the kitchen; he didn’t know I overheard his lesson.

Categories
Thoughts

Eitan’s School

“The commonest word here is ‘the’.

The commonest word in Israel is Eitan.”

Note: I overheard this; he didn’t know I was even listening.